These Phrases given by My Dad Which Saved Me as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience soon became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now better used to talking about the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a larger failure to open up amongst men, who still internalise harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of being weak to ask for help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to ask for a pause - going on a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your other half or a professional what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they confronted their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I think my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are in this journey."