Late-Night Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

TV's prominent entertainers devoted the airtime mocking President Donald Trump's just launched visa program, called the "golden visa," portraying it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock Christmas jingle about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... ruins everything he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial program that enables international individuals to purchase U.S. residence for an investment of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for $5 million. A government page guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought here to affluent immigrants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "get cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The most thorough screening the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll numbers during financial anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of food items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative media arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.